How to Revise Your Own English Writing?

Presentation on theme: "How to Revise Your Own English Writing?"— Presentation transcript:

1 How to Revise Your Own English Writing?
同济大学浙江学院 英语写作微课程 作者：徐丽月

2 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 The teacher: Your writing is problematic, please revise it carefully. The student: I may correct the grammatical mistakes, but others are beyond my ability.

3 Cohesion Idea development
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Cohesion Problems Idea development

4 How can we bridge the gap?
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 There is a gap! How can we bridge the gap?

5 Solutions Theoretical Knowledge Halliday’s Theory of
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Theoretical Knowledge Solutions Halliday’s Theme-Rheme theory Theory of given-new information

6 What is Theme? What is Rheme?
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 What is Theme? What is Rheme?

7 e.g. I want to say something about our dining-rooms.
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Theme, according to Halliday, is the first element of a clause. It is the starting point of a proposition. It shows what the writer is concerned with. Theme does not mean主题, but主位. And Rheme refers to the part that develops the Theme. e.g. I want to say something about our dining-rooms.

8 A Letter to President Chen
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Sample A Letter to President Chen

9 Dear President Chen, I’m a sophomore in our university
Dear President Chen, I’m a sophomore in our university. Although I don’t know you very much, I still think you’re a good president. First of all, I think our university is systematic that can’t without your endeavor. What’s more, we have a wonderful environment. There’re kinds of flowers and trees growing in our university. Each building has good equipments. For example air-conditioning, computer and water house. But there are still some problems I want to tell you. At first, I want to say something about our dining-rooms. Although we have more than one dining-room, it’s still very crowded. In addition to that, I want to say something about the construction behind our dormitory. We are often waken up by the noise. It affects our life seriously. Although I know some of the problems can’t be solved now, I still want you know. Thanks for your reading. Yours, Shirley 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程

10 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Try to find out the themes (主位) of the clauses except cohesive ties! What can you find?

11 Findings: Most of the themes are
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 But there are still some problems I want to tell you. At first, I want to say something about our dining-rooms. Although we don’t only have one dining-room, it’s still very crowded. In addition to that, I want to say something about the construction behind our dormitory. We are often waken up by the noise. It affects our life seriously. But there are still some problems I want to tell you. At first, I want to say something about our dining-rooms. Although we don’t only have one dining-room, it’s still very crowded. In addition to that, I want to say something about the construction behind our dormitory. We are often waken up by the noise. It affects our life seriously. Findings: Most of the themes are __________, but not __________. I or we the problems

12 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Most of the themes are I or we, but not the problems. It shows that the student writer is talking about I or we, rather than the problems. That’s why you feel that the theme (主题) is not clear. Now what should we do? Correct it by treating problems as themes and controlling ideas as rhemes.

13 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Improved sample There are still some problems. First, our dinning rooms are crowded… Second, the construction behind our dormitory is noisy.

14 According to Holliday, information flow should be as follows:
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 According to Holliday, information flow should be as follows: conclusion G N(G) N(G) N

15 One result (of it) (G) is that you often hear quarreling (N)
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 There are still some problems .... First, our dinning room （G）is crowded. (N) G (How crowded?) Ask a question about N. So crowded （G）that you may turn off other’s dishes when you turn around (N) Ask a question about N. One result (of it) (G) is that you often hear quarreling (N) … Ask a question about N. To solve this problem (G), another more dinning room is suggested to be built. (N)

16 To make your writing more forceful, you may
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 To make your writing more forceful, you may (1) ask questions about the new information to activate as much and as vivid information as possible, and (2) arrange your information in the sequence of Given-new structure, so that your writing sounds more coherent.

17 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Improved sample First, our dinning rooms （G）are crowded. (N). At dinner times, 5000 students rush into the 1000-square-meter dinning room. The noisy and long queues always extend to the doors. … You may turn off other’s dishes when you turn off. Quarreling with girls’ screaming and boys’ shouting are often heard, which destroies the harmony. To solve this problem another dinning room is suggested to be built. ...

18 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Is the view point clear enough? Sufficient enough？ Revising writing, you should ask yourself… Coherent? Other msitakes?

19 Rewrite A letter to President Chen according
同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程 Assignments: Rewrite A letter to President Chen according to what you have learned today.

20 同济大学浙江学院英语写作微课程