夫妻關系与教會事奉 黃偉康博士 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104 1357 Mowry Avenue, Fremont, CA 94538 Tel (510) 794-8898 Fax (510) 475-1473

夫妻家庭關系与事奉 約書亞記 24:15 若是你們以事奉耶和華為不好，今日就可以選擇所要事奉的：是你們列祖在大河那邊所事奉的神呢？是你們所住這地的亞摩利人的神呢？至於我和我家，我們必定事奉耶和華。」 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

大男人主義与夫妻家庭關系 宗教傳統的因素 文化修養(習慣傳統)的因素 不知不覺的反應 有知不覺的反應 有知有覺的反應 “心意更新而變化” 那一個因素取胜?你的選擇是什么?

男女的价值相同 角色不同 我們不拘是猶太人，是希臘人，是為奴的，是自主的，都從一位聖靈受洗，成了一個身體，飲於一位聖靈。 男女的价值相同 角色不同 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 哥林多前書 12:13 我們不拘是猶太人，是希臘人，是為奴的，是自主的，都從一位聖靈受洗，成了一個身體，飲於一位聖靈。 For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

男女的价值相同 職份不同 並不分猶太人、希臘人，自主的、為奴的，或男或女，因為你們在基督耶穌裏都成為一了。 男女的价值相同 職份不同 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 加拉太書 3:28 並不分猶太人、希臘人，自主的、為奴的，或男或女，因為你們在基督耶穌裏都成為一了。 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

丈夫的角色和職份 情人 領袖 因為丈夫是妻子的頭，如同基督是教會的頭；他又是教會全體的救主。 以弗所書 5:23 因為丈夫是妻子的頭，如同基督是教會的頭；他又是教會全體的救主。 情人 以弗所書 5:25 你們作丈夫的，要愛你們的妻子，正如基督愛教會，為教會捨己。

愛妻子的典范 彼得前書 3:7 你們作丈夫的，也要按情理〔原文是知識〕和妻子同住；因她比你弱，〔比你軟弱：原文作是弱的器皿〕與你一同承受生命之恩的，所以要敬重他。這樣，便叫你們的禱告沒有阻礙。 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

How Husbands Hurt their Wives They ignore the feelings of their wives Don’t know how to make them feel secure Let parents dominate their lives Criticize their choices and views Talk negatively about them in public Deprive them sexually or exploit them “Care-taking”, lacks emotional Involvement They dominate their wives and control them They let their wives dominate and control them

How to Talk with your Wife? Understand the Parent-Adult-Child Talk Talk Adult to Adult and not Parent to Child Talk the full 5 communication levels Allow yourself to be vulnerable Be there during special and critical moments Allow at least 30-minutes a day of 1:1 talk Avoid interference: Distractions, fatigue, charged emotional states (Timing! Timing!)

Accept the feelings of your wife? Listen to her talk without interrupting her Repeat what you heard her say Use eye contact all the time when you talk Do not give your advise unless she asks you Hold her hands, shoulder or body when the talk becomes emotionally charged Ask her how she feels at least daily! Let her cry unconditionally, don’t personalize it! Avoid “Hot-button” words: “Why? I know! Stupid! Dumb! Shut-up, etc.”

How to Make your Wife Secure? If she doesn’t get your first priority: You lose! Talk with her daily: Minimum of 30 minutes Smile at her each time you see her Learn how to manage your parents, in-laws Be there during PMS and don’t judge her Don’t criticize her driving Respect her choices of clothes and foods Introduce your wives to your friends openly

Pre-requisites of a Loving & Protecting Husband Must be able to “love” oneself first

丈夫愛妻子如同愛自己:保養顧惜 以弗所書 5:28-31 丈夫愛妻子如同愛自己:保養顧惜 以弗所書 5:28-31 丈夫也當照樣愛妻子，如同愛自己的身子；愛妻子便是愛自己了。 從來沒有人恨惡自己的身子，總要保養顧惜，正像基督待教會一樣，因我們是他身上的肢體〔有古卷加：就是他的骨他的肉〕。 為這個緣故，人要離開父母，與妻子連合，二人成為一體。

Pre-requisites of a Loving & Protecting Husband Must be able to “love” oneself first Able to know the time for renewal Able to establish personal growth pattern: Successful resolution of the leaving process Has at least 3 close male friends to relate Has a mentor and confidant (accountability) Able to be secure and committed

妻子的角色和職份 助手 追隨者 你們作妻子的，當順服自己的丈夫，如同順服主。 耶和華 神說：「那人獨居不好，我要為他造一個配偶幫助他。 創世記 2:18 耶和華　神說：「那人獨居不好，我要為他造一個配偶幫助他。 追隨者 以弗所書 5:22 你們作妻子的，當順服自己的丈夫，如同順服主。

What Husbands need from Wives? He needs you to be satisfiable: Make him feel successful in loving you. This is the greatest “win” a man could have Accept his flaws: But help him change for the better without intimidating him He needs romances too: But needs more time to warm up to “touchy feelings”

What Husbands need from Wives? Wife needs to be attractive to him: It’s more than physical attractiveness. Courtesy. Behavior. Education. Values. Goals. wife needs to be competent: To be independent without being dominating. Like men are “independent.” Not “sticky” or “nagging” and “clinging.” A partner to share with him: Funs & adventure. Supervise: Make house a home.

How Wives Hurt their Husbands They tell them what to do. Boss them. They deny them success. Prefer own parents over theirs Criticize their choices and views Talk negatively about them in public Deprive them sexually “Care-taking”, lacks emotional Involvement They dominate their Husbands and control them Let their Husbands dominate & control them

Help Husband’s Feelings Listen to him talk without interrupting him Repeat what you heard him say Use eye contact all the time when you talk Do not give your advise unless he asks you Hold his hands, shoulder or body when the talk becomes emotionally charged Ask him how he feels at least daily! Encourage him to talk anything to you. Avoid “Hot-button” words: “Why? I know! Stupid! Dumb! Shut-up, etc..”

How to Make Him Happy Smile at him each time you see him If he doesn’t get your first priority: You lose! Be with him: Watch ball-games, war movies Smile at him each time you see him Learn how to work with your in-laws Be there when he fails and don’t judge him Don’t criticize his friends Respect his choices of clothes and foods Intrude him to your friends openly

How to Talk with your Husband? Understand the Parent-Adult-Child Talk Talk Adult to Adult and not Parent to Child Talk the full 5 communication levels Don’t tell him what to do until he asks Be there during special and critical moments Allow at least 30-minutes a day of 1:1 talk Avoid interference: Distractions, fatigue, charged emotional states (Timing! Timing!)

Make the Sexual Aspects of your Relationship Respectful & Satisfying Be open about yourself Don’t allow yourself to be too tired for sex Understand what “Good Sex” means Have time to be alone with him regularly Avoid sharing your home with anyone else Don’t demand sex from your husband Don’t make sex a mechanical part of your life Don’t let sex dominate your relationship Don’t deprive your husband sexually

饒恕 憐恤人的人有福了！因為他們必蒙憐恤。 「只是我告訴你們這聽道的人，你們的仇敵，要愛他！恨你們的，要待他好！ 馬太福音 5:7 憐恤人的人有福了！因為他們必蒙憐恤。 路加福音 6:27 「只是我告訴你們這聽道的人，你們的仇敵，要愛他！恨你們的，要待他好！ 馬太福音 18:21-22 那時，彼得進前來，對耶穌說：「主啊，我弟兄得罪我，我當饒恕他幾次呢？到七次可以嗎？」耶穌說：「我對你說，不是到七次，乃是到七十個七次。

所以，你在祭壇上獻禮物的時候，若想起弟兄向你懷怨，就把禮物留在壇前， 和解技巧: 重修舊好 和好如初 馬太福音 5:23-24 所以，你在祭壇上獻禮物的時候，若想起弟兄向你懷怨，就把禮物留在壇前， 先去同弟兄和好， 然後來獻禮物。

夫妻家庭關系与事奉 約書亞記 24:15 若是你們以事奉耶和華為不好，今日就可以選擇所要事奉的：是你們列祖在大河那邊所事奉的神呢？是你們所住這地的亞摩利人的神呢？至於我和我家，我們必定事奉耶和華。」 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

夫妻關系与教會事奉 你的選擇是什么? 至於我和我家， 我們必定事奉耶和華。

夫妻關系与教會事奉

夫妻關系与教會事奉 黃偉康博士 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104 1357 Mowry Avenue, Fremont, CA 94538 Tel (510) 794-8898 Fax (510) 475-1473

ChristianMentalHealth.com Tel (510) 794-8898 夫妻關系与教會事奉 ChristianMentalHealth.com Tel (510) 794-8898