Article Revise.

Presentation on theme: "Article Revise."— Presentation transcript:

1 Article Revise

2 作文评分标准 说明：满分20分。根据作者的思想与表达、语言运用能力和写作规范分别打分。“写作规范”项可以打0.5分。
说明：满分20分。根据作者的思想与表达、语言运用能力和写作规范分别打分。“写作规范”项可以打0.5分。  1）“思想与表达”满分为10分：    极差    较差    一般    良好    优秀  2）“语言运用能力”满分为8分：    极差   较差 一般 良好  优秀  3）“写作规范”满分为2分：  0.5 --- --- 1 ------  1.5 --- --- 2  较差     一般       良好      优秀 

3 No.1 Don’t Just Use One Paper in the College Entrance Examination

4 ①If we want to choose or judge something, we need criterion
①If we want to choose or judge something, we need criterion. And in China, the criterion to select the students to enter universities for further study is an examination, which is called college entrance examination. And nowadays, different provinces make examination papers by themselves. But there is also another point of view which proposes that the candidates ought to use the same examination papers all around the country in order to achieve equality. For me, I don’t support this view, because I think it can not improve things but make things worse instead. 提供写作背景 说明现状和事实，提出对立观点，为自己的观点做铺垫。 提出自己的观点。

5 说出采用不同的高考试卷的第一个原因：教育水平不统一。
②It is known to us that the educational levels of our country vary from areas to areas. The eastern part of China’s educational level is much higher than the western part. We can always come across the news on TV that the children from the western poverty-stricken rural area can’t afford to go to school. Besides, compared with the students in the cities, the starting line of the students in the countryside is much lower, because when the rural children still think about the subsistence problem, the kids in the cities have already signed up for coach classes. Therefore, how can we ask the most of students in the western part to do as good as the students in the east? And if we let the students across the country use the same examination papers, then, we will truly do something unfair. 说出采用不同的高考试卷的第一个原因：教育水平不统一。 说出采用不同高考试卷的第二个原因：学生的起跑点不同。 小结：这一段主要在讲述各地采用不同高考试卷的原因，层层深入，思路清晰，具有很好的逻辑性和思辨力。

6 ③What’s more, if provinces can make the examination papers by themselves, they can add some local characteristic knowledge in the papers. We can see a phenomenon in recently years that more and more students are pursuing the foreign culture and ignoring their native civilization especially local cultures at the same time. But if each province can add the local characteristic knowledge into the college entrance examination, I think students will have more impetus to learn this kind of knowledge, and they will pay more attention to local events as well. 独立一段讲更深层次的原因：自主命题可以帮助我们提高对自己文化的认同度和熟悉度，帮助文化传承。

7 ④In addition, the usage of the same examination papers all around the country will give the people who arrange the examination papers more pressure. They are asked to be more rigorous and careful, because maybe one of their mistakes will influence tens of thousands of students’ fate. Under this circumstance, the atmosphere among the students, schools or even the whole society will be more sensitive. ⑤In a word, the usage of the same examination papers all around the country is not a sensible idea at all. It has no effort on eliminating the obstruction in the college entrance examination system, but causes a lot of problems instead. There is no doubt that we still have a lot to do to improve this system; however, nothing can be accomplished in an action. Thus let’s just take our time. 再讲最后一个原因：考试负责人容易成为众矢之的。 总结：最后总结了自己的观点，再次说明使用同一试卷是不合理的。

8 Final Score : 15 思想表达 8 语言运用 6 写作规范 1

9 No.2 Don’t Use One Test Paper to Cover the Whole Country

10 与实际情况相接轨，使读者了解与主题有关的背景
先下定义，使读者明白意思 According to report， the number of provinces join in the “one test paper covers the whole country” team will be added from “One test paper covers the whole country” means self-made examination papers by each province will be cancelled, and the whole country will use the same collage entrance examination paper. There’s no wonder that the news created much of a stir. From my point of view, this policy is inappropriate under today’s educational system. Listed below are the reasons for my opinion.

11 段落过于冗长 First of all, the educational diversity among different areas can’t be avoided during the implement of the policy. As we all know, one of the aims of using the same paper through the whole country is to ensure the fairness of the college entrance examination. However, for those children in the backward area, it’s not fair exactly. One of the reasons is that rural children, don’t like the city children, can’t throw themselves into study for they have to look after their families or do farm work. Besides, only few experienced teachers would come to poor villages but some little educated residents. Thus, rural children have no chance to accept a formal education, how can we talk about fairness between them and city children? What’s more, information exchange is essential for the college examination. For a laggard village, the deficiency of the teaching and communication equipment is far beyond our imagination. If city children can get 10 simulation papers, I suppose, village children can only get 3 at most. In some degree, the college entrance examination is the only way that enables rural children to go out of the mountain and change their fate. For few people, it may be just a footy test, but for them, it’s a turning point in their life. As a whole, once we bring the policy into force before the education of whole country unified, that means we don’t respect the effort of rural children. The college entrance examination 有些偏题，同一区域的城市和农村的比较不能证明作者的观点

12 Unlike the city children
However, for those children in the backward area, it’s not fair exactly. One of the reasons is that rural children, don’t like the city children, can’t throw themselves into study for they have to look after their families or do farm work. The unitary teaching Second, the unification of the test paper will lead to the unitary of the teaching. Although the exam-oriented education in china is very dull, different papers and ranges of test permit teachers using different methods to teach variety of contents A variety of Varieties of

13 用数字来比较，可以清楚明白差异性 If city children can get 10 simulation papers, I suppose, village children can only get 3 at most. In some degree, the college entrance examination is the only way that enables rural children to go out of the mountain and change their fate.

14 在结尾提出了新的观点，不符合议论文的要求
In summary, using one test paper to cover the whole country doesn’t make sense in today’s society. What we need to do first is to strengthen rural education construction. Only when every child stands on the same ready line can we talk about the test reform. I believe that one country doesn’t need one test paper, but a same dream. 在结尾提出了新的观点，不符合议论文的要求

15 Final Score : 13.5 5 7 1.5

16 No.3 One Test Paper Covers the Whole Country

17 语法错误：应改成动名词形式“doing”
As we all know, college entrance examination system has been 35 years since it came into being. ……By this time, opinions are divided on whether one test paper should cover the whole country or not. In my opinion, I agree the idea that let one test paper cover the whole country. Different people have different points of view. Some people disapprove that one test paper covers the whole country; because they think do this just follow the same old disastrous road and waste time. It is no use of using the same test paper through the whole country. However, we have opposite views on this. We hold the idea that the whole country should unify the test paper… 重复表达观点，思路不清，句子累赘 语法错误：应改成动名词形式“doing” 语法错误：It’s no use doing

18 内容多余，累赘。已经结尾段了再说“但前提是”没什么必要
To sum up, one test paper covers the whole country can bring a lot of advantages to us. But the precondition is that mark-giving must maintain unity in the whole country and standards must also be kept uniform to the examinees that are in different areas. Only in this way, can the examinees be provided with objective criteria for admission to the university. Everything taken into consideration, we can put unifying the test paper through the whole country into practice. 内容多余，累赘。已经结尾段了再说“但前提是”没什么必要 逗号去掉

19 Final Score : 13 7 5 1

20 No.4 My View on English Entrance Examination Reform

21 此处为语法错误，正确搭配应为agree to
In my opinion, I don’t agree with the reform of the English Entrance Examination. My reasons are as follows.

22 此段中students的出现过于频繁，显得语言表达单一
As a result, students should study English very well during their free time to take the English examination ahead of time. Students who pass the English exam might take the exam again to get higher score because their highest score will count for the College Entrance Examination. And students who can’t pass the English examination on the first try should take the exam again and again until they pass the English examination. That is, students should take the English exam frequently during the three years of senior high school. Therefore, it will increase students' burden. 此段中students的出现过于频繁，显得语言表达单一

23 此处表达略显啰嗦，主句中已有主语students，则前面可直接省略，用After entering the university的形式表达即可
After the students enter the university, students should spare no effort to study English and the teachers in the university will have pressure to teach English, because students should pass CET4 test or CET6 test acquiring high level of English.

24 Final Score : 14 7 5 2

25 No.5 It’s Inappropriate to Use Unified Test Papers in College Entrance Examination

26 Among 5871 validated questionnaires, 80 percent netizens approve of this opinion, which draws people’s great attention. First, unified test papers in college entrance examination will result in much unfairness to students in backward areas. Second, unified test papers restrain the development of education. Third, unified test papers increase the danger of letting examination questions out.

27 语法错误：be bad for sb. to do sth.
To a certain extent, creativeness of education will be deprived of. This is bad to students to obtain more extensive and more innovative knowledge That’s way I draw such a conclusion that using unified test papers in college entrance examination is not a good idea. It’s necessary for us to make examination fair, but the same test papers cannot cure the symptoms, maybe we can pay more attention to the way universities enroll students. 结尾处提出了与主题无关的观点，不符合议论文写作的要求

28 Final Score : 15 8 6 1

29 No.6 A Test Paper Not Used Nationwide

30 The purpose of this test method is to gradually let the local government have the right to adjust examination contents according to different actual conditions. As we all know, anything that continues to exist needs changes and adjustments, which must be combined with the actual situation. Education is not an exception. It requires each province should have the right to adjust examination contents accordingly. 表达不明确，较为生硬

31 Last but not the least, it will facilitate the colleges and universities to select talents that they need. It is widely acknowledged that every province vary from each other because of our vast territory. Province can not only put its local customs, but also its developing problems or conditions into the exams. By this test method, the local authorities can pick up the talented people who are useful to the development of their hometowns. Instead, the unified national college entrance examination will result in the loss of talents. 语法错误：varies 因果关系过于绝对

32 On the other hand, this kind of test method in fact is the decentralization of education management and it can balance the authority of the central and local governments, which will make the local government to play a fuller role on the development of education. Play a fuller role in

33 虽然做到了首尾呼应，但是在整篇文章中并未提及disadvantages，因此无法得出“优点多于缺点”的结论。
In my opinion, I am for arranging the test papers respectively because its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. Here, I will list three reasons to support my viewpoint. 虽然做到了首尾呼应，但是在整篇文章中并未提及disadvantages，因此无法得出“优点多于缺点”的结论。

34 Final Score : 13 6 2 Thank you!