校園欺淩的預防和干預 Bullying Prevention: Do’s and Don’ts for Parents Cixin Wang (王慈欣 博士), Ph.D., LP, NCSP Dept. of Counseling, Higher Education, & Special Education Asian American Studies Program University of Maryland, College Park Email: cxwang@umd.edu

What is Bullying? Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior by people who are more powerful. Bullying happens again and again, or people become afraid that it might happen again. Students and parents often struggle with the distinction between playful teasing versus bullying. Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior by people who are more powerful. Bullying happens again and again, or people become afraid that it might happen again

We Need to Ask the Question: WHY CHILDREN TEASE OR BULLY OTHERS?

A Social-Ecological Model of Bullying * ATTENTION. Teasing is a good way of receiving negative   attention, and, unfortunately, for many children, negative   attention is better than no attention.   * IMITATION. Some children model or mimic what is happening to them at home by acting the same way to others at school or in the neighborhood. These teasers are children who may be teased by siblings or who experience aggressive or harsh parenting.   * FEELINGS OF SUPERIORITY OR POWER. Many teasers feel superior when they put others down, or they may feel powerful when teasing upsets others (Olweus, 1993).   * PEER ACCEPTANCE. It is not uncommon to see children engage  in teasing behavior because they may perceive it as being the "cool" thing to do. It may help them feel part of a group. The need to belong may be so strong that a child may tease others to be accepted by the "popular" children.   * MISUNDERSTANDING DIFFERENCES. A lack of understanding of "differences" may be the underlying factor in some teasing. Many children are not familiar with or do not understand cultural or ethnic differences. In some instances, a child with a physical or a learning disability may be the target of teasing because she is different. Some children criticize anyone who is different instead of trying to learn or understand what makes others special.   * MEDIA INFLUENCE. One cannot discuss the reasons children tease without acknowledging the powerful influence of the media. Our children are frequently exposed to teasing, put-downs, sarcasm, and a lack of respect in many of the television programs geared toward children.  (Bronfenbrenner, 1979;Orpinas & Horne; 2006; Swearer & Espelage, 2004; Swearer, 2013)

Why are Chinese American Students Victimized at Schools? Immigrant status Language issues (accent, foreign sounding names) Model minority myth Perceived higher academic achievement (being perceived as “nerdy”) Perceive teacher preference of Asian American students Not good at sports Physical size (smaller) …… What can parents do? Immigrant status, language issues, higher academic achievement than non-Chinese peers, perceived preference of Chinese American students by teachers, differences in physical size between Chinese Ameri 盡管美國亞裔青少年學業表現出色，與其他種族相比，亞洲學生尤其是亞洲移民學生最容易受到歧視，成爲學校暴力的受害者。 亞裔美國青少年有更多的同輩歧視，e.g.語言和肢體上的攻擊和欺負。 美國亞裔青少年自尊心較低，抑鬱症狀和社會壓力感較其他非亞裔同伴高。 亞裔很少向學校心理咨詢老師尋求幫助。 CA 某學區的研究顯示14%亞裔學生自我報告有嚴重的心理健康問題，但是只有3%被推薦去見學校心理咨詢師。 can students and their non-Chinese peers, and a lack of unity between Chinese American students (Qin et al. 2008). (Qin et al. 2008; Wang et al., 2016)

Scenarios Jonathan, a first-grader Chiense American boy, has been refusing to go to school, and complains of headache or stomachache every morning. Jonathan, small in stature, finally told you (parents) that he is scared of going to school, because he has been teased (“slanted eyes”), pushed, and kicked by a group of larger kids in his school. He started crying after he told his parents. Jonathan said he had already told the teachers, but the teasing and pushing continues.

Scenarios What might you say if you were Jonathan’s parents? Don’t be scared! You’re a big boy. Boys always fight. That’s normal. Ignore them. Just walk away. Then tell your teachers (Write your own response here) What might happen next? To audience: what do you think might happen when parents responded to Jonathan in these ways?

Don’t be scared! You’re a big boy. Boys always fight. That’s normal. Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Jonathan may feel like he was not being strong or tough enough. This may negatively impact his physical health and mental health. He may also question his identity and value as a boy; for example, “If I do not want to or cannot fight, does it mean that I am not a boy?” Jonathan may feel that he cannot share his feelings with his parents; for example, “Am I not allowed to feel upset or scared?” Jonathan may try to act “normal” and fight back. But because other kids are physically bigger and stronger, and have more power over him, Jonathan is likely to get hurt. Jonathan may continue to be bullied by larger kids. Jonathan may feel like he was not being strong or tough enough, and that he should have fought back. This may negatively impact his physical health (e.g., headaches, restlessness), mental health (e.g., feelings of anxiety, doubts, worthlessness, depression and low self- esteem). He may also question his identity and value as a boy; for example, “If I do not want to or cannot fight, does it mean that I am not a boy?”

Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Ignore them. Just walk away. Then tell your teachers. Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Jonathan may feel that his parents did not hear or understand his feelings. Bullying may persist. Jonathan may continue to experience fear and refuse to go to school. The other kids may tease him for walking away and not fighting back. However, walking away maybe the safest option for Jonathan in this case  given that the other kids are physically bigger and stronger than him.

Scenarios Xiao Ling recently immigrated to the U.S. from China and started middle school. Several students in her class have made fun of her name, her accent, and her clothing. One day, a kid made up a nickname for her that everyone thinks is funny, “Xiao Long Bao! Round and small! Made in China, eaten by all.” Although Xiao Ling generally maintained her composure in school, she came home crying and said she had been feeling very isolated, sad, and wanted to “go home.” Xiao Ling

Scenarios What might you say if you were Xiao Ling’s parents? Why do you care? You are here to study and do well in school. Who care about these people who make up these silly jokes? You should be proud of your cultural heritage! I thought the nickname is kinda cute. Maybe you are overreacting? Starting in a new place is always hard for everybody. (Write your own response here) To audience: what do you think might happen when parents responded to Jonathan in these ways? What might happen next?

Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Xiao Ling Why do you care? You are here to study and do well in school. Who care about these people who make up these silly jokes? You should be proud of your cultural heritage! Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Although Xiao Ling may try to ignore the harassment from other students, the verbal bullying may persist, and she may continue to feel isolated and sad. Xiao Ling may think that her parents did not take her situation seriously when they told her to simply ignore the jokes. Xiao Ling did not think that the jokes were silly or funny. The jokes can be a form of micro-aggression. Xiao Ling may feel misunderstood by her parents when they told her to feel proud of her cultural heritage. The problem was not that Xiao Ling did not feel proud of her culture; Xiao Ling indeed misses her home country and wants to go back. Her “feeling proud” of her cultural heritage would not stop the harassment and necessarily prevent her from feeling sad and isolated. Jonathan may feel like he was not being strong or tough enough, and that he should have fought back. This may negatively impact his physical health (e.g., headaches, restlessness), mental health (e.g., feelings of anxiety, doubts, worthlessness, depression and low self- esteem). He may also question his identity and value as a boy; for example, “If I do not want to or cannot fight, does it mean that I am not a boy?”

Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Xiao Ling I thought the nickname is kinda cute. Maybe you are overreacting? Starting in a new place is always hard for everybody. Here are some things that might happen when parents say this. Xiao Ling may not think that she was overreacting. She was being made fun of on a daily basis. This parent response may invalidate Xiao Ling’s feelings and experience. Adjusting to a new school and a new culture is hard for most teens. Xiao Ling may feel discouraged that she is also experiencing verbal bullying and harassment from her U.S. classmates. All of these challenges could exacerbate Xiao Ling’s feelings of loneliness, and negatively impact her mental health and academic performance.

Racial and Ethnic Socialization for Young Kids Read books about physical differences in skin, hair, eyes etc. Explain that despite our different colors and looks (slanted eyes), we are all human beings. Play music from your culture. Buy toys that look like your children. Watch movies with diverse characters. Talks about the meanings of your first name and last name.

Racial and Ethnic Socialization for Older Kids Xiao Ling Read books highlighting the beauty of people who look like them. Take trips to museums and other attractions that celebrate their culture or people of their race. Be open to answering questions about racial and ethnic backgrounds. Start talking about things going on in the news or at school. Spend time teaching more about ethnic traditions (e.g. cooking). Talk about some of the prejudices they may encounter. Spend time teaching more about ethnic traditions such as cooking. • Get them involved in groups and activities related to your culture. • Begin talking about some of the prejudices they may encounter as a result of their race or ethnicity.

Do: Read and Discuss Stories with Your Children Read books about bullying where there is a healthy resolution to the conflict Talk about the characters’ actions and choices in resolving conflicts. Was the problem something the main character could resolve alone or did he or she need help? Have you ever had a similar problem or do you know someone who has? How was it resolved? How would you use strategies to solve a similar problem in the future? 和孩子一起閱讀有關同伴關係的書籍，從書中學習到健康解決衝突的方式 討論書中人物解決衝突的方式和選擇 問孩子：書中主人公是否能夠單獨解決問題？他/她需要幫助麽？ 你曾經遇過類似的問題麽？你知道其他人有類似經曆嗎？他是怎麽解決問題的嗎？在以後的生活裏，你將用什麽樣的方法去解決類似的問題呢？

DO: Talk With and Listen to Your Kids Everyday Spend a few minutes every day asking open ended questions who they spend time with at school? what do they do between classes and at recess? what happens on the way to and from school? If your children feel comfortable talking to you about their peers before they’re involved in a bullying event, they’ll be much more likely to get you involved after. 每天花一些時間和孩子交談，培養良好的親子關係。 問一些開放性問題： 孩子平常在學校跟誰玩？ 孩子一般在課間做什麽？ 在上學和放學的路上發生過什麽？ 如果你的孩子在他們被別人欺負前跟你很輕鬆的談論他們的同齡小夥伴，這說明他們很可能在被欺負後把實際情況告你。 Research shows that adults are often the last to know when children are bullied or bully others.

DO: Adopt a Solution-Oriented Approach Model healthy conflict resolution skills-with your family, children, teachers, neighbors. Model empathy in your own interaction with others Listen to your children, show empathy & validate their feelings. Let your children know that you hear their concerns and want to help, so that they don’t feel that you are ignoring the problem. Share contact information with other parents because there may be other families who are going through a similar situation 示範健康積極的與他人解決衝突的行爲 聆聽你的孩子，表現出同理心，討論他們的感受。 讓你的孩子知道你聽到他們的疑慮，並希望得到幫助，讓他們不覺得你忽略了這個問題。 與其他家長分享聯繫方式，可能有其他家庭也遇到類似的情況

Be assertive, but not aggressive Do not react or give attention. Know the difference between seeking help and tattling Use harmless humor to deflect 如果你的孩子是被欺負的 對象，你應該幫助他和同 學發展友情，提高社交技 能和解決問題的技能 走開 忽視 討論（堅定但不憤怒） 尋求幫助（知道尋求幫助 和打小報告的區別） 使用幽默 “同意” 回答 “So What”  * "SO?" The response of "so?" to the teaser conveys an indifference that the tease doesn't matter. Children find this response simple yet quite effective. This strategy is  humorously addressed in Bill Cosby's book The Meanest Thing to Say. 

REFRAMING. Reframing is changing one's perception about the negative comment; it is turning the teasing into a compliment. E.g., a child teases another about her glasses: "Four eyes, four eyes, you have four eyes." "Thanks for noticing my glasses!" The teaser is usually confused, especially when there is not a reaction of anger or frustration.  

AGREE WITH THE FACTS. Agreeing with the facts can be one of the easiest ways to handle an insult or tease. "You have so many freckles.” "Yes, I have a lot of freckles.” "You are such a cry baby. . . .” "I do cry  easily." Agreeing with facts usually eliminates the feeling of wanting to hide the freckles or the tears.  AGREE WITH THE FACTS. Agreeing with the facts can be one of the easiest ways to handle an insult or tease (Cohen- Posey, 1995). The teaser says, "You have so many freckles." The teased child responds, "Yes, I have a lot of freckles." The teaser taunts, "You are such a cry baby. . . ." The teased child can answer, "I do cry  easily." Agreeing with facts usually eliminates the feeling of wanting to hide the freckles or the tears. 

DO: Work Collaboratively with Your Child’s Teachers & Schools Attend parent-teacher conferences! Communicate with your child’s teacher—email, phone, volunteer in the classroom/school. Brainstorm with teachers about interventions at school and home to prevent future bullying. Help create a no-bullying climate in your home and school. Establish household rules about bullying. Make your child accountable, even if other child “started it.” 參加家長和老師的會議！ 與你孩子的老師溝通——郵件，電話，在教室或學校裏當志願者 與老師對學校和家庭的干預方法進行頭腦風暴預，預防“bullying”的發生 在你家建立反“bullying”的氛圍 建立兄弟姐妹間反“bullying”的家庭條約 讓你的孩子對自己的行爲負責，即使其他孩子先有“bullying”行爲

What Can Parents Do to Help: Cyberbullying Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Increase supervision Keep computers in a shared space in your home Learn everything you can about what your child does online Teach your children to never post online or send in a text message anything they wouldn`t want the entire world to see or read. 網絡“bullying”是利用電子技術實施“欺負” 卑鄙的短信或郵件，在網上傳播謠言，發令人尴尬的圖片 增強監督 把電腦放在家裏公共區域 學習一切你孩子會使用的互聯網工具：對任何賬戶熟悉（例如：臉書），網頁或者電子刊物（博客） Teach your children to never post online or send in a text message anything they wouldn`t want the entire world to see or read. Discuss the importance of treating others with kindness and respect when sending electronic messages, not just in person. Encourage your child to come to you if someone says or does something online that makes them uncomfortable.

DO: Seek Professional Help Talk opening with your children about bullying and mental health Counseling helps! Students involved in bullying and victimization are more likely to experience depression and anxiety1 Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the front- line treatment for depression and anxiety. Free counseling services at school by counselors or school psychologists 與您孩子公開的討論“bullying”和心理健康 尋求咨詢師的幫助！參與“bullying”的學生和受害者更有可能體驗抑鬱和焦慮 認知行爲療法是治療抑鬱和焦慮的有效療法 學校會提供免費的心理咨詢， 但是亞裔很少使用這些服務 1 (Swearer, Wang, et al., 2011).

DON’T: Focus on Problems & Negativity Don’t model aggressive behaviors—at home, school, neighborhood Model strategies (walk away, ignore, talk it out, seek help) to solve conflict Don’t blame victims— “she deserves to be picked on because she’s so weird” Don’t punish bullies as the first “intervention— “let me spank my kid so that he learns his lesson.” Harsh physical punishment relate to increased bullying Physical abuse is illegal 不要在家和公衆場合示範暴力 示範解決衝突的技巧（走開，忽視，討論，尋求幫助） 不要責備受害者：“她就應該被欺負,因爲她長得太奇怪了” 不要把懲罰孩子當成首選的干預方式：“讓我打我小孩，這樣他才能得到教訓。” 嚴厲的肢體懲罰與欺負行爲的增多有相關性 虐待孩子是犯法的

DON’T: Blame Teachers & Administrators Parents of kids who are victimized say, “The school will do nothing about the problem. My child is being bullied and no one is doing anything.” Parents of kids who bully others say, “My child is always unfairly targeted and singled out. The teachers are out to get her.” Adversarial relationships end up helping NO ONE 受害者的父母反應“學校什麽都不做，不處理相關問題，我孩子被欺負了但沒人去幫助他。” 欺負他人的孩子的父母反應“我孩子總是被不公平對待和孤立。老師故意找她麻煩。” 相互對抗的關係不能幫助任何一方。

What Can Parents Do to Help: Relational bullying 推薦書目 My Secret Bully and Just Kidding by Trudy Ludwig Bully BEANS by Julia Cook Say Something, The Juice Box Bully, Just Kidding, Recess Queen … 問: 你學校裏面的小朋友是如何相處的？你有沒有看到校園欺淩？ 男孩和女孩的不友好的行爲有什麽不同？ 和孩子確認： 這不是你的過錯。 真正的朋友讓你做你自己。 The Meanest Thing to Say.  Bully BEANS The Juice Box Bully, Just Kidding, Recess Queen Say Something

DON’T: Let Your Children Have Unsupervised Access To Technology Don’t let your child play violent and aggressive video games (i.e., “Bully” by Rockstar Games). Have open conversations about social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Omegle, YouTube, Vine, SnapChat…. Talk about the seriousness of cyberbullying. Children are not always aware of the consequences of their actions, but cyberbullying is an illegal activity. 不要讓你孩子去玩暴力和具有侵略性的視頻遊戲（例如：遊戲“bully”） 和孩子展開一個有關Facebook， Twitter, Instagram, Omegle, YouTube, Vine, SnapChat等社交媒體的公開探討 談論網絡bullying 的嚴重性 孩子們往往不能意識到他們行爲的後果，但是網絡bullying 是一種違法行爲。

DO: Find Helpful Websites about Bullying and Related Issues WITS program: www.witsprogram.ca Stop Bullying: http://www.stopbullying.gov Education.com/topic/school-bullying/ H.E.A.R. http://project-hear.us/overview Born This Way Foundation: www.bornthiswayfoundation.org PACER: http://www.pacer.org http://www.schoolclimate.org/bullybust/upstander/video-resources The White House Initiative on Asian Americans & Pacific Islanders (WHIAAPI): http://sites.ed.gov/aapi/aapi-bullying/ Anti-Cyberbullying Toolkit: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/educators/cyberbullying-toolkit

Additional Helpful Websites about Bullying & Related Issues Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and Lady Gaga www.emotionrevolution.org www.girlsinc.org www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying www.operationrespect.org Video-resources with discussion questions: http://www.schoolclimate.org/bullybust/upstander/video-resources Talking to kids about discrimination http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/kids-discrimination.aspx https://psychologybenefits.org/2014/09/18/redefining-race-relations-it-begins-at-home/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-race-good-health/201708/race-in-america-tips-talking-children-about- racism http://www.apa.org/pi/res/parent-tips.pdf https://www.counseling.org/resources/library/Selected%20Topics/Bullying/Teasing.htm