高考书面表达的教学和评改 杭州学军中学 姜发兵 2010年3月12日

一、2009年高考作文评卷现场 日程 现场 成员

规则—培训

规则—培训

高分作文29分 思维习惯较好

二、高考作文的风格与走向

年份 主题 要点 话题 性质 形式 风格 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 全2000 目击一起交通事故 根据图画书面报告事件 散步，飞车，撞人，逃逸，救人 16交通 封闭 图画 书面报告 4时间（时刻时序） 5空间（位置方向距离） 3情感（遗憾同情愤怒） 全2001 介绍减负后周末活动带来的变化。中小学正在担 （前） （后） 白天 上课活动不同 5学校 表格要点 写信 4时间（时刻） 3情感（高兴满意） 9比较（差别） 10逻辑（因果） 全2002 公园要不要收门票？ 利弊 21热点 2态度（同意） 8计量（数量） 全2003 介绍租的住房 3周围环境 1社交（祝愿提供帮助） 6存在 7特征（材料价格）

全2004 通知美国朋友参加外国人才艺大赛 比赛时间报名时间报名地点 4日常活动 封闭 要点 书面通知 2态度（鼓励） 4时间（时刻） 1社交（祝愿提供帮助） 2态度（鼓励） 4时间（时刻） 5空间（位置） 全2005 介绍一下学校要求。 ◎上学要穿戴整洁。。。 5学校生活 发言稿 1社交（祝愿提供帮助问候警告禁止） 全2006 介绍你校图书馆 短信介绍 1.图书馆位置2.内部环境。。。 3周围环境 图画要点 写信 5空间（位置方向距离） 6存在 8计量（数量） 全2007 找英语笔友。 理想中笔友 1个人情况6兴趣爱好 1社交（寻求帮助感谢） 2态度（喜欢） 7特征（年龄 10逻辑（因果 全2008 关注美国出生大熊猫 自我介绍；祝贺苏琳生日感谢生日照 21热点 1社交（寻求帮助祝愿感谢） 10逻辑（因果） 全2009 生活琐事 留言条 1社交（提醒）

浙2004 推荐学中文的词典 收词 价格 特点字典 5学校生活（学习） 封闭 表格要点 写信 1社交（提供帮助祝愿） 2态度（喜欢） 6存在 7特征（价格） 8计量（数量） 9比较（差别） 浙2005 生日庆祝方式 过生日的方式。其他方式和理由 10节假日活动 封放 要点 短文 2态度（喜欢评价） 10逻辑（因果目的） 浙2006 原著还是电影 利弊 10逻辑（因果） 浙2007 中英文授课？ 浙2008 完成工作学习方式 6学校生活（学习） 浙2009 开展志愿者活动 时间地点反应简短评论 23社会（慈善）4日常活动8人际关系7个人情感 新闻报道 1社交（感激） 2态度（表扬评价） 3情感（高兴满意） 浙2010 Better learner /better person 看法、理由、喜好、对比、并列、因果、同意、建议　

三、作文的5A标准和2009年高考 考场作文课堂评析实例和

5月1日, 高三（1）班的学生志愿者李跃和张华去阳光敬老院开展志愿者活动（送水果、打扫、聊天等）。 电影剪辑： An act of kindness, a kind gesture, sweet, appreciate, reward, the less fortunate, those in need 5月1日, 高三（1）班的学生志愿者李跃和张华去阳光敬老院开展志愿者活动（送水果、打扫、聊天等）。 假如你是校英语报的记者，请按下列要点用英语写一则100-120个词的新闻报道。 1.时间、地点、人物、活动； 2.老人们的反应； 3.简短评论。 2

Backpacks Go to children Less Fortunate On December 20, Backpack Club from New York gave out 739 backpacks filled with school supplies to some appreciative kids living in the local homeless shelters. The backpacks, with some erasers, pencils and even small toys, were handed out in half an hour. “We received a call yesterday. My children were wild with joy when they knew someone would be here to help,” a parent said. It can be a challenge for some families to pull together the list of supplies needed for the school year. So though giving away backpacks may just be a small act of kindness, it deserves notice. (114 words)

“Sometimes, ”he says, “the people don’t want to let go”. “So I thought we got to do something to help them out and cheer them up.” And Larry does that with a simple but effective audio and video presentation. And with personal contact with the audience, a handshake is more than a gesture. “Sometimes, ”he says, “the people don’t want to let go”. He is connecting with them. And he is connecting them with fun memories. 12

Students always have no social activities. Appropriate 适切 Students always have no social activities. Some students tend to be less active in It would seem that… probably may tend to the majority of more (less) 1. Only when we care about the elderly can we build a harmonious society. 2. The elderly have a lot of problems. They are too old to do anything. 3. They brought some fruit, which they had no chance to eat. 8

挑出与instruction不符的表达方式 They love to witness the joy on the elderly’s faces. It is an honor to them to be in the prescence of elderly people because they have wisdom and knowledge of the world that they as teens have yet to experience. They said good-bye but were so eager to come back and get involved again. Before they came, they thought these elderly were boring, but they were amazed by their stories of adventures from the elderly.

While, because, which, when, to do…, doing… Accessible 易懂 While, because, which, when, to do…, doing… __________ The elderly need our help. A. With the development of industry, B. Being physically week and lonely, The elderly were very excited______________. 9

Authentic 地道 Moved to tears, the elderly said to the two boys, “We are grateful to our Party!” 11

√ blackboard □ the volunteers’ acts academic 规范 □ comments □ the volunteers’ acts □ the elderly’s reaction √ academic 规范 accurate 准确 appropriate 适切 accessible 易懂 authentic 地道 13

四、作文评改心得

traits questions 规范 1. What is a good writing in terms of form? 准确 2. How can I avoid errors in grammar (especially in tenses) and spelling? 适切 3. How do I write a news report? 4. Are there particular words describing kind acts or feelings? 5. What ideas are appropriate? 流畅 6. How can I clarify my ideas? 地道 7. How can I avoid using words improperly? 8. How can I make a sentence sound more like real English?

The ability to write well is not a privilege extended to only a few The ability to write well is not a privilege extended to only a few. Good writing is the result of much practice and hard work.