How Understanding Neurobiology Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive

Alan Mease, MD 米思，医学博士 和睦家广州诊所 Over 30 year experience as pediatrician & 13 years experience in China 超过30年的儿科医师经验，在中国行医13年 Five grown children partially raised abroad 养育了5个孩子，其中几人成长于海外 Now practicing Developmental/Behavioral Pediatrics in Guangzhou 现在在广州从事儿童发育及行为科工作

Why Should We Know about the Brain as Parents? 父母为何要了解大脑？ Knowing about the brain can allow us to move from SELF- JUDGEMENT to SELF- ACCEPTANCE as parents. 作为父母，了解大脑可以使我们从 自我判断变为自我接纳。

the embodied brain are really part of one larger system. Relationships关系 (sharing分享) Triangle of Interpersonal Neurobiology (3 aspects of Energy & information flow) 人际关系神经生物学三角 (三种能量和信息的流动) Relationships & the embodied brain are really part of one larger system. 关系和具象的大脑是一个更大系统的一部分 BRAIN大脑 (mechanism 机械装置) Mind精神 (regulation 调节)

Relationships关系 The regulating prefrontal cortex remains plastic throughout life and is able to develop beyond childhood. 调节前额皮质终生保持可塑性，儿童期之后依然可以发育。 Interpersonal relationships can provide attachment experiences that allow integrative neurophysiological change to occur throughout life 人际关系可以提供依恋经历，这为一体化的神经生理学变 化在一生中的发生提供了可能。

The Parent-Child Relationship 亲子关系 Complex 复杂 Triggers unresolved issues in the parent 触发父母的情绪问题 This causes loss of upstair brain control 这会导致失去对上层大脑的控制 Resulting in activation of the downstairs brain 导致激活下层大脑

The Brain 大脑 Nuggets 神经核 Networks 神经网络

Nuggets/Nuclei 神经核 Neurons and glia are organized in clusters (nuclei, circuits, regions and hemispheres) classified by anatomic placement in lower (1), central(2) and upper areas (3) of the brain. 神经细胞和神经胶质组织成簇（核、回路、额区和半球）在解剖构造上分为大脑下部（1）、大脑中心（2）和大脑上部（3）三个区域。

Over 100 billion Neurons and trillions of supportive Glia cells.超过一千亿个神经元和数以万亿计的神经胶质细胞 。 Collectively these Neurons are over 2 million miles long. 所有这些神经元的长度之和超过200万英里。 Each Neuron has an average of 10,000 connections平均每个神经元有1万个连接。

Networks 神经网络

Neural Firing: Experience 神经放电：感受

Infant’s Brain 婴儿的大脑 Very immature 仅发育了非常少的部分 Depends on both genetic information and experiences 同时取决于遗传信息和个人经验/经历 Experience shapes the structure of the brain throughout life by altering the connection among neurons 个人经验/经历通过改变神经元之间的连接来塑造大脑结构 The human brain is thought to be the most complex thing in the universe, artificial or natural 人类大脑被认为是宇宙中所有人工或自然物体之中最复杂的

The Downstairs Brain 下层大脑 The brain from bottom to top 大脑自下到上 Imagine your brain is a house with both a downstairs and an upstairs 想像你的大脑是一座房子，里面有上层楼梯（上层大脑）和下层楼梯（下层大脑） The downstairs includes the brain stem and limbic regions located in lower parts of the brain from the top of your neck to about the bridge of your nose 下层大脑包括了脑干和位于大脑下部的边缘区域（大约是你的颈部上端到鼻梁的 位置） More primitive 更为简单原始

The Downstairs Brain Functions 下层大脑的功能 Basic functions like breathing and blinking; reactions and impulses (like fight and flight) and strong emotions (like anger and fear) 基础功能如呼吸和眨眼；反应和冲动（如迎战和逃跑），强烈的情绪 （如愤怒和恐惧） Your ANGER- along with other strong emotions and bodily functions and instinct- springs from your DOWNSTAIRS BRAIN 你的愤怒——同其他强烈情绪、身体机能和本能一样——源于你的下层 大脑 It is like the first floor of a house where basic necessity get taken care of (kitchen, dining room, bathroom) 这就像房子的一层,在这里基本需求得到满足(厨房、餐厅、浴室)

UPSTAIRS BRAIN 上层大脑 Cerebral cortex and its various parts particularly the ones directly behind your forehead including what is called the middle prefrontal cortex 大脑皮层和它的各种组成部分，尤其是在你额头正后方的被称作中部前 叶皮层的部分 More evolved 更为进化 Like a light filled second story study or library full of windows to allow you to see things more clearly 就像位于二楼的明亮书房或者一间满是玻璃窗的图书馆，使你更清楚地 看到里面的东西

UPSTAIRS BRAIN FUNCTIONS 上层大脑的功能 Thinking 思考 Imagining 想象 Planning 规划 Highly sophisticated 极为复杂的 Higher-order and analytical thinking 高阶的思考和分析

Characteristics of Upstairs Brain Function 上层大脑功能的特点 Sound decision making and planning 合理决策的制定和计划 Control over emotions and body 控制情绪和机体 Self-understanding 自我理解 Empathy 移情（了解和分享对方的看法和感受，敏锐地体会对方的思想与情绪） Morality 道德

The Metaphorical Stairway 楼梯的比喻 The connection between upstairs and downstairs brain 上层大脑和下层大脑之间的连接 The AMYGDALA 杏仁体（大脑颞叶内侧左右对称分布的两个形似杏仁的神经元聚 集组织。） The Brain works best when the upstairs and downstairs brain is integrated (vertical integration) 当上层大脑和下层大脑整合（垂直整合）时，大脑工作得最好

The Metaphorical Stairway 楼梯的比喻 Upstairs can monitor downstairs strong reactions, impulses and emotions 上层大脑可以监控下层大脑的强烈反应、冲动和情绪 Downstairs input important so decisions can be made with input from emotions, instincts and our bodies 通过下层大脑的情绪、本能和身体的输入，帮助我们做决定

Developmental Aspects 发育方面 Downstairs brain is well developed even at birth 下层大脑在出生之时就已发育良好 Upstairs isn’t fully mature until mid-twenties 上层大脑直至20多岁才完全成熟 Remains under massive construction for first few years 开始几年，仍在大规模发育 During teen years undergoes extensive remodeling which continues into adulthood 在青少年时期经历重大变化，直至成年

Developmental Aspects 发育方面 Children are not good at using higher and lower parts of the brain together because the higher brain is still developing 由于上层大脑仍在发育，儿童不能很好地将上层大 脑和下层大脑结合使用 Children are prone to getting trapped downstairs because the connecting stairway is blocked by an AMYGDALA that frequently fires up 由于上、下层大脑之间被一个频繁启动的杏仁体所 堵塞，儿童很容易被“困在”上层大脑。

Realistic Developmental Expectations 现实的发展预期 It is unrealistic to expect children to be rational, regulate their emotions, make good decisions, think before acting and be empathetic-all things that come from a developed upstairs brain 希望孩子们理性,调节自己的情绪,做出好的决策,三思而行, 或是像成熟的上层大脑那样感同身受，是不现实的 Children can demonstrate some of these qualities to varying degrees depending on their age 孩子们在不同的年龄阶段，表现出不同程度的特质。 We need to adjust our expectations 我们应该调整我们的期望值

Temper Tantrums: 2 Types 发脾气：两种类型 Upstairs tantrum occurs when a child decides to throw a fit 儿童运用上层大脑发脾气 Downstairs tantrum occurs when the child in not able to use the upstairs brain 当儿童无法运用上层大脑时，运用 下层大脑

Upstairs Tantrum 上层大脑发脾气 He makes a conscious choice to act out 他将一个有意识的决定付诸行动 To push buttons and terrorize you until he gets what he wants 他们要求、恐吓你，直到得到自己想要的东西 He could instantly stop the tantrum if he wanted to 一旦得到了他想要的东西，就会立即停止发脾气

Upstairs Tantrum 上层大脑发脾气 He is able to stop the tantrum 他有能力可自我停止发脾气 He may look like he is completely out of control but is using a strategy of manipulation to achieve a desired end 他貌似完全失去控制，实际上却通过了策略的运用来达到期 望

Response to Upstairs Brain Tantrum 如何应对上层大脑发脾气 One clear response: Never negotiate with a terrorist 明确的回应：绝不和恐吓者谈判 Firm boundaries and clear discussion about appropriate and inappropriate behavior 明确界定及讨论适当/不适当的行为 If you refuse to give in, regardless of the age of your child, you will stop seeing them on a regular basis 如果你拒绝让步，无论孩子的年纪有多大，他们的无理行为将停止

Response to Downstairs Brain Tantrum 如何应对下层大脑发脾气 Amygdala takes over and hijack his upstairs brain 杏仁核接管和拦截了他的上层大脑的工作 He is incapable of controlling his body or emotions 他无法控制他的身体或情绪 He simply cannot use his whole brain 他只是无法使用他全部的大脑 He has flipped his lid, totally lost his mind 他已经发狂，完全丧失心智

Response to Downstairs Tantrum 如何应对下层大脑发脾气 Connect and redirect 沟通和改变方法 Connect with the child and help him calm down through loving touch and a soothing tone of voice 和孩子沟通，通过爱抚和平和的语调帮助他平静下来 You may have to hold him close and calmly talk him down as you remove him from the scene 或许你可以紧紧地拥抱他，通过交谈是他平静，彷佛走出刚才的情景 No sense in talking about consequences or appropriate behavior 讨论事情的后果或什么才是适当的行为，没有意义。

Response to Downstairs Tantrum 如何应对下层大脑发脾气 Help him shift his attention 帮助他转移注意力 Once the upstairs brain reenter the picture you can begin to respond to the issue using logic and reason 一旦重返上层大脑工作，你可以开始通过逻辑和原因分析事情 Downstairs brain tantrums are not limited to toddlers but may occur in a child of any age or even an adult 下层大脑发脾气不仅仅局限于幼童，也会发生于儿童的其他年龄 阶段，甚至是成年人

Preventing Downstairs Tantrums 防止下层大脑发脾气 Avoid triggering the downstairs brain 避免引发下层大脑工作 You have choice when faced with bad behavior: 面对不良行为，你可以选择： Command and demand usually triggers the downstairs brain 命令和要求通常会引起下层大脑工作 Engage don’t enrage 参与而非激怒 The Story to Illustrate 讲故事，喻道理

THE SINGLE CHILD FAMILY 独生子女家庭 The single child has been studied as an early adult and found to be less trusting, less trustworthy, more risk-averse, less competitive and more pessimistic. 研究发现成年早期的独生子女缺乏信任，不值得信赖，不愿承担风险，竞争意 识较弱，更为悲观。 Strategies to minimize these effects will be discussed. 将会讨论最大限度地减少这些影响的策略。 These include dealing with grandparents 这包括处理与祖父母的问题 The importance of relationships in your child’s brain/mind development 人际关系对于您孩子的大脑/心智发育的重要性 Developing the functions of the prefrontal cortex 促进前额皮质的功能发展 The importance of PLAY! 玩耍的重要性！

There is an epidemic in children 儿童中有一种流行情况 Not ADHD 不是多动症 Today in the US 美国的现状 There is an epidemic in children 儿童中有一种流行情况 Not ADHD 不是多动症 Not Autism 也不是孤独症 But NARCISSISM 而是自恋症

Common Errors of Parenting 育儿的普遍错误 Developmental Correctness: Overly anxious parent 矫枉过正：过度担忧的父母 Compensatory Parenting: Feeling sorry of the child 补偿性的育儿：对孩子感到亏欠 Polarized Parenting: Dad is too tough, not unified 两极化的育儿：爸爸太强硬，父母不统一 Hog-piling: Mom chews out then Dad chews out; when it is over let it be over 群起而攻之：妈妈斥责之后，爸爸也 来斥责；事情过去了就让它过去吧

Common Errors of Parenting 育儿的普遍错误 Crummy follow-through: The too quick NO! 糟糕的跟进：太快说“不！” Lack of family hierarchy: High control 家庭等级制度的缺乏：过度控制 Inconsistent surrender: Children learn to escalate 不一致的退让：孩子学着变本加厉

Today’s Kids 如今的孩子 Epidemic of narcissism 自恋症流行 Inflated sense of self worth based on no evidence: victory of assertion over evidence 脱离实际地高估自我价值 Generation ‘ME’ 以自我为中心 What is wrong with narcissism? 自恋症的坏处是？ Lack of empathy 移情能力（将心比心，推己及人）的缺乏 Aggressive reaction to criticism 对于批评有过激反应 Lack of emotional warmth 缺乏温情

What is Your Parenting Style? 您的育儿风格是？ High Warmth 高度温情 Low Warmth 低度温情 High Control 高度控制 Authoritative 权威型 Authoritarian 独裁型 Low Control 低度控制 Permissive 宽容型 Neglecting 疏忽型

Authoritative Parenting 权威型家长 High on control and warmth 控制和温情均比较强烈 Tend to strict about what the rules are but also willing to discuss them 制定规则时：倾 向于严格，同时又愿意与孩子讨论 Reason with their children 与孩子们讲道理 Even alter the rules in response to the child’s expressed views 会因为孩子的意见而 修改规则

Parents Must Be Their Children’s Prefrontal Cortex 父母应做孩子的前额皮质 Upstairs Brain 上层大脑 Foster independence and personal efficacy 培养独立和个人功效 Help children learn to be good at doing things 帮助孩子学习更好地做事 Able to direct their energies 有能力指导他们的精力 Able to take the initiative 有能力带头行动 Realistic in appraising strengths and weaknesses 现实地评价优点和缺点 Realistic in appraising what it will take to accomplish a task 现实地评价完成任务所需要做的努力

Again 复习: Prefrontal Cortex Functions 前额皮质的功能 Bodily regulation 机体调节 Attuned communication 协调沟通 Emotional balance 平衡情绪 Response flexibility 灵活反应 Fear modulation 恐惧感调节 Empathy 移情（了解和分享对方的看法和感受，敏锐地体会对方的思想与情绪） Insight 洞察力 Moral awareness 道德意识 Intuition 直觉

WHY？ 为什么？

Parental Focus: Focus on Socialization 育儿焦点：社交 Don’t raise your children to be happy 不以快乐为培养孩子的目标 Raise them to be lovable 把他们培养成惹人喜爱的 Well socialized children are lovable 社交良好的孩子是惹人喜爱的 Well socialized children are happy 社交良好的孩子是快乐的 Well being is an outcome 最终成果是幸福 Self-esteem is a consequence of competency 能力带来自尊

Tell Your Children: 告诉您的孩子： Lack of ability doesn’t matter 能力的欠缺没有关系 Talent has little or nothing to do with success 天赋和成功基本上毫无关系 Sticking to something MATTERS! 重要的是坚持！ Your BRAIN is a muscle, intelligence can be improved by exercising it 大脑是肌肉，锻炼大脑可以提升智力 Great performance is always and only the result of great effort 优秀的表现是努力付出的唯一结果，也是必然结果

Parenting Tips 育儿小帖士 Necessary to set limits 制定界限的必要性 Children need to know where they stand 孩子需要知道他们的立场 They need someone to be in charge of them; they are neurologically incapable of doing it themselves 他们需要别人来管理；从神经学角度来讲，他们并不能管理自己。 Parents need to be more “no nonsense” 父母需要更加“废话少说” This is not the same as “mean” or “authoritarian” 这与“刻薄”或是“独裁”不同

Parenting Tips 育儿小帖士 Children need to know where the limits are, so communicate where the limits are and help them learn that you mean it 孩子们需要知道界限在哪里，告诉他们并帮助他们理解你的意思。 You are teaching them what to expect from the world, eg when you hit people, they will get mad 您应教给他们，他们的行为会带来什么结果，例如：当你打人的时候，对方 会生气。 You are teaching your children what to expect from other people in the world 您应教给孩子期望从别人那里得到什么 Don’t lie to them about the consequences of their behavior 诚实地告诉孩子他们的行为会带来的结果 Do not tolerate hitting! Do not let them hit you! 不能容忍暴力！不要让孩子们打你！

Thank you!

Thank You! 谢谢！

Integrating the Upstairs Brain & the Downstairs Brain 整合上层大脑和下层大脑 Develop the upstairs brain: Watch for ways to help build the sophisticated upstairs brain, which is “under construction” during childhood & adolescence and can be “hijacked” by the downstairs brain, especially in high-emotion situations 开发上层大脑:关注于如何帮助构建复杂的上层大脑,上层大脑在童年和青春期处于发育时期， 尤当处于强烈感情时，此时上层大脑易被下层大脑拦截。 What you can do: Engage, don’t enrage: In high-stress situations, engage your child’s upstairs brain rather than triggering the downstairs brain. Don’t immediately play the “Because I said so!” cards. Instead, ask questions, request alternative, even negotiate. Use it or lose it: Provide lots of opportunities to exercise the upstairs brain. “Play what would you do?” games, and avoid rescuing kids from difficult decisions. Move it or lose it: When a child has lost touch with his upstairs brain, help him regain balance by having him move his body. 你能做什么: 参与,不要激怒:在高压的情况下,让你的孩子使用上层大脑而不是触发下层大脑。不要立刻 亮出红牌，“按我说的去做!“。相反,多问问题,寻求替代方法,甚至谈判。 不使用就将失去它:提供很多机会来锻炼上层大脑上。“你会怎么做“的游戏,而非直接替 他做较为困难的决定。 不活动身体就将失去它:当一个孩子已经失去了和上层大脑的联系,帮助他通过活动身体来 重新获得平衡

Our Own Downstairs Moments as Parents 父母们的“下层大脑时刻” As parent we can become out of control that we say or do something we’d never let anyone else say or do to our child 作为父母，我们也会失控，说出（或做出）一些平时绝不允许别人对我们孩子说的话 （做的事）。 Little eyes are watching how you calm yourself down. Your actions set the example 孩子们看着你如何控制情绪，你的行为为孩子树立榜样。 First do no harm, put your hands behind your back to avoid any kind of rough physical contact 首要注意：不能伤害孩子，把你的双手背在身后，以防做出一些粗暴的身体接触 Close your mouth to avoid saying something you will regret 闭上嘴巴，以防说出一些可能令你后悔的话。

Our Own Downstairs Moments as Parents 父母们的“下层大脑时刻” Remove yourself from the situation and collect yourself 使自己脱离刚才的处境，重拾自己 Do jumping jacks or yoga stretches Take slow, deep breaths 做做“杰克跳”（一种运动）或是瑜伽，深呼吸 Finally REPAIR. Quickly reconnect with your child. This may involve your expressing forgiveness, but it may also require that you apologize and accept responsibility for your own actions 最终修复。迅速和孩子沟通。这或许包括表达谅解，可能需要你 道歉或是为你的行为承担责任

The Parent-Child Relationship 亲子关系 Complex 复杂 Triggers unresolved issues in the parent 触发父母的情绪问题 This causes loss of upstairs brain control 这会致使失去对上层大脑的控制 Resulting in activation of the downstairs brain 导致激活下层大脑

Interpersonal Neurobiology Approach 人际神经生物学方法 The mind is a process involving the flow of energy and information. 思维是一个流动着能量和信息的过程 The mind (energy and information emerges in the transaction of neurophysiologic processes and interpersonal relationships.） 思维（能量和信息出现在处理事务的神经生理和人际关系过程中） The mind develops at the genetically programmed maturation of the brain responds to early experience. 大脑在早期做出的既定基因程序的反应，是思维发展的基础。

Triangle of Well Being Mind (REGULATION) BRAIN Relationships (3 aspects of energy and information flow) BRAIN (mechanism) Relationships (sharing) Relationships & the embodied brain are really part of one larger system.

Experience is Biology! 经历是一种生命现象 ！ Activates genes that allows the brain to change its internal connections (memory) 激活基因,使大脑能够改变其内部连接(记忆) Experience shapes the developing structure of the brain 经历塑造了大脑结构的发育 Genes determine much of how neurons link up with each other 基因决定了大部分神经元之间的联系 Experience activates genes to influence the linkage process 经历可以激活基因，从而影响（神经元间的）联系过程

Their Brains Need Our Parental Involvement! How We Treat Our Children Changes Who They Are and How They Will Develop! Their Brains Need Our Parental Involvement!

Xie Xie!!!

Adult Responses Shape Children’s Capacity to Regulate Their States of Mind & Emotions Example: A 14 month old wants to climb onto a table with a lamp on it

Response Choices A: Yell “No!” and then take the boy outside where his drive to climb can be attuned to. B: Not to notice the attempt to climb, to hear the lamp come crashing down, to pick it up and either tell the boy quietly not to do it again or just to ignore him the rest of the evening. C: Yell “No!” and reprimand the boy, hug him out of guilt, then distance yourself from him because he has disappointed you. D: Become enraged and throw the lamp to the floor next to the boy, to teach him never to do that again

Which Attachment Pattern is Associated with each Response? A: SECURITY: Promote prefrontally mediated capacity for response flexibility B: AVOIDANCE: Internal & interpersonal sense of disconnection C: AMBIVALENCE: Increased sensitivity to loss & separation D: DISORGANIZATION: Dissociation with internal fragmentation of self

Relationships The regulating prefrontal cortex remains plastic throughout life and is able to develop beyond childhood. Interpersonal relationships can provide attachment experiences that allow integrative neurophysiological change to occur throughout life

The River of Integration ADAPTIVE HARMONIOUS Time CHAOS INTEGRATION RIGIDITY

Lack of Integration Chaos: Out of control Rigidity: Too much control, when you are imposing control on everything & everyone around you

What is Integration and Why Does It Matter? The brain has many parts with many functions. Integration takes the distinct parts of your brain and helps them work together as a whole. Left side: Helps you think logically & organize thoughts into sentences Right side: Helps you experience emotions & read nonverbal cues Reptile Brain: Allows you to act instinctually & make split second decisions Mammal brain: Leads you towards connection & relationships The brain is plastic or moldable by experience even during old age.

What is Integration and Why Does It Matter? Experience causes neurons to become active or fire and when neurons fire together they rewire or grow connections between them. Everything that happens to us- the music we hear, the people we love, the books we read, the kind of discipline we receive, the emotions we feel- profoundly affects the way our brains develop. So on top of the basic brain architecture and our inborn temperament, PARENTS have much they can do to provide the kinds of experience that will help develop a resilient, well-integrated brain.

Types of Integration Integrating the Left and Right Brain Integrating the Upstairs Brain and Downstairs Brain Integrating Memory Integrating the Many Parts of Myself Integrating Self and Other

Whole Brain Strategies (#1-#7) Integrating the Left and Right Brain #1 Connect and redirect #2 Name it to tame it Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs Brain #3 Engage don’t enrage #4 Use it or lose it #5 Move it or lose it Integrating Memory #6 Use the remote of the mind #7 Remember to remember

Whole Brain Strategies (#8-#12) Integrating the Many Parts of Myself #8 Let the clouds of emotion roll by #9 SIFT: Help child understand (sensations, images, feelings and thoughts within them #10 Exercise mindsight Integrating Self and the Other #11 Increase the family fun factor #12 Connect through conflict

Integrating the Left and Right Brain Left + Right = Clarity and Understanding: Help your kids use both the logical left brain and the emotional right brain as a team. What you can do: Connect & Redirect: When your child is upset, connect first emotionally, right brain to left brain. Then once your child is more in control and receptive, bring in the left-brain lessons and discipline Name it to tame it: When big right-brain emotions are raging out of control, help your kids tell a story about what’s upsetting them, so their left brain can help make sense of their experience and they can feel more in control

Integrating the Upstairs Brain & the Downstairs Brain Develop the upstairs brain: Watch for ways to help build the sophisticated upstairs brain, which is “under construction” during childhood & adolescence and can be “hijacked” by the downstairs brain, especially in high-emotion situations What you can do: Engage, don’t enrage: In high-stress situations, engage your child’s upstairs brain rather than triggering the downstairs brain. Don’t immediately play the “Because I said so!” cards. Instead, ask questions, request alternative, even negotiate. Use it or lose it: Provide lots of opportunities to exercise the upstairs brain. “Play what would you do?” games, and avoid rescuing kids from difficult decisions. Move it or lose it: When a child has lost touch with his upstairs brain, help him regain balance by having him move his body.

Integrating Memory Make the implicit explicit: Help your kids make their implicit memories explicit, so that past experiences don’t affect them in debilitating ways. What you can do: Use the remote of the mind: When a child is reluctant to narrate a painful event, the internal remote lets her pause, rewind and fast-forward a story as she tells it, so she can maintain control over how much of it she views. Remember to remember: Help your kids exercise their memory by giving them lots of practice at recalling important events: in the car, at the dinner table, wherever.

Integrating The Many Parts of Myself The Wheel of Awareness: When your kids get stuck on one particular point on the rim of their wheel of awareness, help them choose where they focus their attention so they can gain more control over how they feel. What you can do: Let the clouds of emotion roll by: Remind kids that feelings come and go; they are temporary states, not enduring traits. SIFT: Help your children pay attention to Sensation, Images, Feeling and Thoughts within them. Exercise mindsight: Mindsight practices teach children to calm themselves and focus their attention where they want.

Integrating Self and Other Wired for “we”: Watch for ways to capitalize on the brain’s built-in capacity for social interaction. Create positive mental models of relationships. What you can do: Enjoy each other: Build fun into the family, so that you kids enjoy positive and satisfying experiences with the people they’re with the most. Connect through conflict: Instead of an obstacle to avoid, view conflict as an opportunity to teach your kids essential relationship skills, like seeing other people’s perspectives, reading non-verbal cue, and making amends.

Each Strategy Must Be Applied in Age Specific Way #1: Connect and redirect: When the child is upset, connect first emotionally, right brain to right brain. Then once she is more in control and receptive, bring in the left brain lessons and discipline. Infant-toddler (0-3) Now it the time, as early as possible to begin teaching your child about emotions. Mirror feelings and use nonverbals (like hugs and empathetic facial expressions) to show that you understand: You’re frustrated, aren’t you? Then once you’ve connected, set the boundary: Biting hurts. Please be gentle. Finally, focus on an appropriate alternative or move on to something else: Hey, there’s your bear, I haven’t seen him is a long time. Pre-schooler (3-6) First lovingly HEAR what’s upset the child. Hug her and repeat back to her what you’ve heard with nurturing nonverbal communications. You’re really disappointed that Molly can’t come over? Then once you’ve connected, help direct her toward problem solving and more appropriate behavior: I know you’re upset, but you need to be gentle with Mommy. Do you have another idea for playing? Maybe we could see if Molly can come over tomorrow.

Each Strategy Must Be Applied in Age Specific Way #1: Connect and redirect: When the child is upset, connect first emotionally, right brain to right brain. Then once she is more in control and receptive, bring in the left brain lessons and discipline. Early School Age (6-9) Listen first, then repeat how your child is feeling. At the same time, use your nonverbal communication to comfort. Hugs and physical touch, along with empathetic facial expressions, remain powerful tools for calming big emotions. Then redirect through problem solving and depending on the circumstance, discipline and boundary setting. Latter School Age (9-12) Listen first, then reflect back how your child is feeling. Be careful not to condescend or talk down to her. Just echo what you hear and use nonverbals. Even though your child is growing up, she still feels felt, it’s time to redirect to planning and if necessary discipline. Show your child the respect of speaking clearly and directly. She’s old enough to hear and understand a logical explanation of the situation and any resulting consequences.

Thank you!

Experience and the Development of Memory and the Self: Implicit Infant has implicit memory: Emotional, behavioral, perceptual and bodily modalities Available from birth and likely before birth Includes the way the brain creates summaries of experiences in the form of mental models

Experience and the Development of Memory and the Self: Explicit Uses implicit memory encoding mechanisms but in addition processes information through the integrative region of the brain called the hippocampus Dependent on that region after 18 months, explicit memory not available till then By 2 years the further development of the prefrontal region enables a sense of self: the beginning of autobiographical memory

Even after the onset of autobiographic memory there is difficulty recalling explicitly in a continuous fashions before age 5 or so.

Processing Lived Experiences Pretend play Creating stories Dreaming

Stress verses Trauma Response of autonomic and endocrine systems Cortisol shrinks hippocampus Meditation: turning off the monkey brain, the issues that haven’t been resolved Breath work: ventral vagal activation

Unresolved Trauma Interfers with normal progression of memory and encoding and storage Block encoding by inhibiting hippocampal processing of an input, allows implicit processing but block explicit processing

Neuroplasticity For better or worse Life threat in face of helplessness (TRAUMA) Freezes brain in replicable form (locked into memories) Neurons that fire together wire together Memory games: hippocampus will enlarge Dreams: REM brain consolidating memory info in hippo that have emotional content

Neuroplasticity Dreams necessary for memory consolidation Epi-genetics: Epi-genome: shaped by experience on tip of gene Thoughts can switch on epi-genome Different environments OFC on Right grows with atunement with mother and shrinks with its lack Lack of Right OFC leads to dysregulation of autonomic nervous system and emotional brain

Holocaust Studies Traumatic memories can be passed on in genes Children and grandchildren can be affected Genes or experience

Trauma: Unresolved freeze response Completes the act of escape

Healing Your Wounded Body and Brain Somatization disorders: stained low grade freeze response Amygdala: goes to fight or flight; perpetuates trauma Accessing cues for trauma while turning off the amygdala

Brain Structure

Upstairs Brain Thinking human brain Orbitalfrontal cortex Anterior cingulate cortices Connections to limbic downstairs brain, brain stem and autonomic nervous system

Downstairs Brain Emotional Brain Limbic system Amygdala: at the end of the hippocamus deeply inside the brain; important for the processing emotions especially fear; can bypass conscious awareness